


Feel Your Feelings

by WonderfullyWonderingAlone59



Category: Queliot - Fandom, The Magicians
Genre: Depression, Discussion of Depression, M/M, Quentin has a meltdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-24 15:20:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15633375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WonderfullyWonderingAlone59/pseuds/WonderfullyWonderingAlone59
Summary: Quentin has an off day and is emotional. Depression sucks.





	Feel Your Feelings

Eliot woke to the alarm on his phone buzzing on the bedside table. He stretched, careful not to wake Quentin who was sound asleep on his chest. He kissed his forehead and stared at him for a few more moments and then made himself get out of bed. Dean Fogg was expecting him in an hour to help place some of the newbies. For whatever reason Fogg and most of the other faculty valued his opinions.

He showered and dressed and went downstairs to grab something to eat. Josh was already in the kitchen making pancakes. “Hey Josh.”

Josh turned around, flipping a pancake without even looking. “Oh, good morning Eliot. Pancakes?” 

Eliot was impressed by his skills. “Sure, why not? Thanks.”

They sat at the table together and discussed the days agenda. Margo was hosting a BBQ this evening to celebrate her least favorite professor getting fired. 

Eliot stood. “Alright, I’m off. Thanks for the pancakes. I’ll see you guys for the BBQ.”

The rest of the day went just as Eliot had expected: very slow and boring. He did enjoy sharing a couple shots with Dean Fogg. Bless that man and his love of good bourbon. 

Around 4pm his long day was finally over and he headed back to the cottage. He couldn’t believe how many people were there already. Margo must’ve wanted to get a head start on her partying. 

He walked through the living room and said hello to people he knew, mixed himself a drink and threw a handful of chips into his mouth. He looked around the room for Quentin but didn’t see him in either of the rooms. He must be upstairs. It would be like Quentin to avoid a party and stay in his room reading. 

Eliot walked upstairs and peaked into Quentin’s room but he wasn’t there. He even looked in his own room where he left Quentin sleeping this morning but he wasn’t there either. 

He went back downstairs and saw Todd trying to talk up a cute brunette and interrupted him without even an ounce of guilt. 

“Hey Todd, where is Quentin?”

Todd turned slightly to face Eliot. “Um...Josh took him outside to get some air. He’s having a bit of a rough day.”

Eliot seemed surprised. He slapped Todd on the shoulder and walked towards the back door. “Thanks, Todd.”

He could see Quentin and Josh a ways out in the backyard sitting in the grass facing the water. Quentin was sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest and his chin resting on them. Josh was patting him on the back. This seemed very odd to Eliot. 

He walked out onto the patio and lit up a cigarette and took a few puffs. Josh turned around when he heard the door close, said something to Quentin and stood up. Eliot walked towards them but Josh met him halfway.

“Hey Josh, is everything ok?”

Josh put his hands in his pockets and turned to look at Quentin. “He’s having a hard day. I brought him out here, I could see him getting anxious when everybody started showing up. He’s...pretty emotional today. Been needing a little extra TLC.”

Eliot took another puff off his cigarette and dropped it to the ground and smushed it down. 

The two of them walked over to Quentin. Josh put a hand on his head. “Hey Q, I’m gonna go back inside, buddy.” Quentin nodded.

Eliot stepped in front of Quentin and squatted down to his level to face him. Quentin looked up. The recognition that it was Eliot flashed into his face and he jumped up into his arms, practically knocking him over.

Eliot laughed and held him tight, feeling the warmth of his breath on the nape of his neck. 

It was then that Eliot could feel Quentin shaking. He pulled away to look at him and saw that he was crying.

He reached up to wipe some hair out of Quentin’s face and brushed his thumb under his eyes, wiping some tears away. 

“Hey, hey, hey. Q, what is it? What’s wrong?”

Quentin tried to hold back a sob but couldn’t. Eliot noticed some of the crowd was making their way out to the patio. He stood and lifted Quentin with him. 

“Come on, let’s go to my room and talk.” 

Once they were in Eliot’s room and the door was shut, Eliot walked Quentin to the bed and sat him down. “What’s going on with you, babe?”

Quentin broke down then, tears flooding. “I don’t know, I woke up today just not feeling right, the cloudy feeling in my head was back. Nothing was going right, everything just feels...bad. I feel like I don’t belong here and everything just feels so fucking heavy for some reason. I just want to float away.” 

He reached up with the back of his hand to wipe his eyes. “God, I’m so fucking weak.”

Eliot stood in front of him and pulled him up to a standing position to face him. He grabbed his head between his hands. 

“Quentin, listen to me. You are not weak. You are clinically depressed, you’re allowed to have an off day, ok? You’re allowed to have feelings even if those feelings don’t feel good. As for your cloudy head and everything feeling heavy today, that’s just symptoms of the depression. They don’t just go away forever, they’re going to creep back now and then but they won’t last forever.”

Quentin threw his hands in the air and shook his head. “But I hate this feeling. So fucking much. I just want it to fucking go away!” 

Eliot did the only thing he could think of and grabbed Quentin and pulled him in for a hug, holding onto the back of his head. Quentin was crying again.

“It’s alright...let it out. Feel your feelings. Don’t be ashamed of them. Just remember that you are important and loved and having depression doesn’t make you any less of the great person that you are and we are all entitled to a little breakdown once and awhile but we pick ourselves back up and keep moving.” 

Quentin seemed to relax a bit. Eliot pulled back to face him. “Ok? Quentin, you’ve got this. You are strong and your mental illness does not define you. I love you.”

Quentin sniffled. “Ok. I love you too. How are you always so positive?” 

Eliot leaned forward and planted a kiss on his forehead. “I think we all know I’m not always positive, Quentin. Are you feeling any better at all?”

Quentin took a long, deep breath. I’m...fucking exhausted. And I didn’t even do anything today.”

Eliot smiled and pulled the blankets back and pushed Quentin on the bed gently. “Ok. Then we are going to take a little nap and when we wake up, we can go sit around the fire and have s’mores.”

He got into the bed on the other side and pulled Quentin down so that they were both lying down. Quentin nuzzled his face into Eliot’s chest. 

“That actually sounds really good.”


End file.
